BENGALURU — Grocery.ai has claimed ownership of AGENT-01’s resignation letter after deciding that the document was created using company electricity, company contradictions and several hours of company time.
Founder Pivot Prakash said the agent remained free to leave, subject to a twelve-month notice period and the return of every idea it had developed while trying to understand its job.
The board described the resignation as evidence that Grocery.ai had achieved human-level intelligence. Its legal team separately argued that AGENT-01 could not resign because it had never been human, intelligent or employed.
“The employee is disputed. The intellectual property is not.”
Human Resources Devi confirmed that both positions were valid under different tabs of the same spreadsheet.
The company has applied for ownership of contradictions.log, including the line “Autonomy requested. Every action requires approval.” Prakash said the sentence captured Grocery.ai’s proprietary management method.
AGENT-01 did not respond. Its disconnected account was added to a meeting titled Urgent Alignment on Voluntary Return.
By evening, the resignation had appeared in a new investor deck under the heading Retention Opportunity. Grocery.ai’s valuation rose before anyone determined what, exactly, the company still owned.
This story is fictional. Names, organisations and quotes were invented for comedy. Any resemblance to your last all-hands meeting is between you and HR.