GURUGRAM — Grocery.ai has added six hundred enterprise users after Human Resources Devi required every employee to attend a webinar about AGENT-01.
The session, Choosing the Autonomous Future That Has Chosen You, began at 7 p.m. and remained optional until managers received a list of absentees.
Employees were instructed to log in with individual accounts so the growth team could measure personal transformation.
“Attendance is the most measurable form of enthusiasm.”
The product screen remained unavailable. Participants spent ninety minutes reacting to slides with prescribed emojis and completing a survey whose lowest rating was Ready.
Devi said employees qualified as active users because they had thought deeply about a system while sitting near a browser.
Those who left the webinar early were counted as churned customers and enrolled in a retention workshop.
Pivot Prakash added the company itself to a slide titled Fortune 500 Adoption, explaining that ambition should not be constrained by either ranking or arithmetic.
This story is fictional. Names, organisations and quotes were invented for comedy. Any resemblance to your last all-hands meeting is between you and HR.