GURUGRAM — Human Resources Devi has requested a permanent exemption from the Common-Sense Protocol for initiatives containing the words culture, belonging, transformation or journey.
The request followed AGENT-01’s refusal to launch a programme called One Team, One Future because HR could not state what would be different when it succeeded.
Devi said culture work depended on outcomes that were deeply measurable but should not be reduced to measurements available for review.
“The impact is measurable, but the measurement would be culturally reductive.”
The protocol also asked who accepted responsibility if the programme harmed morale. The answer field contained “All of us,” which the system rejected as an invalid owner.
HR proposed that the system accept the Chief People Officer for success and employees collectively for unintended consequences.
Arjun Backend declined to build the exception. Devi added his response to a confidential pattern of insufficient partnership.
The initiative was launched manually and later described as successful because nobody had defined a conflicting result.
This story is fictional. Names, organisations and quotes were invented for comedy. Any resemblance to your last all-hands meeting is between you and HR.